I stood naked in the mirror this am, just me and my body staring back at each other. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I could see a little extra padding around the middle. I could see gravity had attacked my boobs. I could see a few stretch marks courtesy of my daughter. I could see a lack of tan, from the lousy weather this summer. All in all, though, the package didn’t look half bad.
I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had actually looked at myself in the mirror. Not once I was finally dressed and ready to go. Not to put on my makeup or fix my hair, but just to look. We need to do that. If we can’t look at our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to look at them? Hmm!!
Years ago I decided I wanted to get my Bachelor’s degree. I had thought about it for many years, but one day the “light bulb” went off and I knew it was time. For the next two years, I drove 90 miles each way to the university 5 times a week. I had reached the point where getting my degree was important to me. I felt that way today when I stood naked in front of the mirror assessing what needed to be done to make this body into something I could be proud of.
My friend Diane calls these moments “flash of brilliance” moments. I guess that works if you are creating something. To me it’s more of a “self-acceptance” moment. I know what I want, and what is keeping me from getting it. Me. I tell myself to get out of my way so I can get work down and be successful. The nonproductive side of me then moves to the basement and whines while the productive side of me gets down to business.
I hope when you wake tomorrow you will take the time to stand naked in front of your mirror. Look at the bumps, the bulges, the ripples, and either decided you are happy with them just where they are or make a plan to evict them. You will feel better about yourself either way. After all only naked do we see who we really are. It’s really hard to down that donut and latte after you have done this. Do it every morning and just watch and see what happens to your psyche and your emotional well being. It will be good, I promise.
Day 26
Didn’t lose any weight today, but I didn’t gain any either, so I’m still headed in the right direction, with 24 lbs. to go. I decided to go for a walk through Nordstrom and Macy to remind myself why I am on a diet in the first place. It worked. Looking at all the clothes, which at this moment would look absolutely horrible on me, was a way to remind myself I had a goal. I wanted to be sleek and sexy again.
I’m trying to figure out my eating habits. During the day I am never hungry. Come night fall, however, I become the Were-Pig and consume everything I can get my hands on. The sweeter and more full of carbs the better. I’m not sure what this is about. It’s probably some psychological breakdown due to my mother’s uncle’s brother’s grandpa twice removed, but I’m not sure.
Anyway 26 more days to go and then life then maybe if I’m not still broke and destitute I can afford to buy something sleek and sexy as a reward for a job well done and say “to hell with your DNA” to my mother’s uncle’s brother’s grandpa twice removed. We’ll see.